WordPress made me shit load more like Peter Parker than Spider-Man. But how else was I supposed to get your attention? Most people like DIYs and superheroes a hell of a lot more than photos and metaphors.

Okay. Now I really got some splainin’ to do.

For five days now: I’ve been a blogger. Allegedly, anyway. 

Sometimes, I like to pretend to be a photographer too. But hold on.

We need to talk.

You know I have a blog. You know I curse like a scurvied sailor. You know I still have no idea how to actually use WordPress, even if my writing is bearable at times.

But you don’t even know who I am. And, baby, it’s not you it’s me. I rushed into this thing.

Don’t worry. We aren’t breaking up. Actually, I’m trying to convince you to commit yourself to perpetual blind dates – with the same person. Look, I know it’s confusing but we are recreating a pretty unorthodox relationship.

You’re a lot like my Mary Jane, after all.

Cheesy pick up lines aside, however, the fact my name is a mystery to you has a lot to do with the 120 minutes between thinking “I wonder how hard it is to make a blog?” and actually having one – with real words and real eyes on it.

But it has more to do with what I felt onlifethingsandthoughts should be, after I clicked that publish button for the first time: a place to barter letters and prose for perspective and insight; a place to think randomly; a place to randomly think; a place to be me without the restraints of, well, me – or you really; a place to be followed for its message, not necessarily its messenger.

That’s right. The boy has no name – at least for now.

Chill. Like an astute cashier at 7-11 once told me “I was born at night, but not last night.”

Note: I knew I wasn’t walking out of there with beer, but I didnt know what the fuck he was talking about. Then again,  I was only 17.


Shut up tattle tale.

What I’m saying is I know all it takes is one computer, one wifi password, and one computer savvy youth on a mission to unearth the Earth’s most confounding mysteries.

Ain’t that the internet in a nutshell?

Honestly, I don’t care if you Sherlock Holmes the shit out of this mystery (hold on, kid, maybe we can work something out)

I’m still on the Fence about this whole Spider-Man act anyway. Idk. What do you guys think? My mom says I’ve always been more of a poet than a politician.

Note: Which is strange. Because she’s also convinced I’ll be President one day. Truth is, she’s held that conviction since the day she first heard of me. It was never really about being President at all. Love you momma.

But I digress – which is, apparently, easy to do on these blog things. And way too easy to do in that little blue box.

Okay, like Peter Parker, I have little idea what the switches and buttons on my Canon Rebel T3i actually do. And, even after a hundred times, all ~100 billion neurons in my skull are rendered utterly useless the second I double click this thing:

 Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.07.37 PM

What I do have, though, is a terrible tendency to fake it till I make it. So let’s go on a photography adventure:

Actually, this will have to wait.

Note: Unless you click here

My boss is wondering why I’m not responding to his e-mails.

Besides, now that you know I’m not Spider-Man, I’ve got to keep you intrigued somehow.


One thought on “How WordPress Turned Me Into Spider-Man In Two Hours and One Click

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